How to Cope When Your Spouse Delays the Divorce

Nothing tests your patience like a STBX who intentionally drags out the divorce process. I know because I’ve been there. My own divorce stretched on for 18 months( I was pro se and this was before the internet), not because of legal complexities, but because my ex pulled every trick in the book to stall. If you’re stuck in this frustrating holding pattern, feeling powerless and consumed by anger is easy. This post is for you. I want to share my story, what I learned from the experience, and how you can fuel this frustrating delay to build your new life. You can’t always control their actions, but you can control how you respond.

My Story: 18 Months of Delays and One Infuriating Reason

When my marriage ended, I knew the process would be hard, but I never anticipated the length of it. Every step forward was met with two steps back. Paperwork was "lost," deadlines were missed, and communication was poor. It felt like I was running a marathon with someone constantly moving the finish line. The emotional toll was overwhelming. I felt trapped, unable to fully start my new chapter while still legally tethered to my past. The anger and frustration were constant companions. Why was he doing this?

After months of speculation, I finally learned the truth, which he admitted to me later. He had promised his new girlfriend he would marry her as soon as our divorce was final. The problem? He had no intention of following through on that promise. So, he delayed our divorce to avoid his new commitment. I was collateral damage in his inability to be honest with someone else. Learning this was infuriating, but it was also freeing. It confirmed that his delays had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his own issues.

Shifting from Anger to Action: How I Coped

I realized I couldn't change his behavior, I knew I had to change my own focus. I decided to stop letting his games dictate my emotional state. I refused to put my life on hold for him any longer. Here is what I did to reclaim my power.

I Focused on Building My New Life

Instead of obsessing over the divorce, I poured my energy into what I could control: my future. I was in college then, and I threw myself into my studies. I worked hard at my job, got a promotion and a much needed confidence boost. These achievements were mine alone, they had nothing to do with my marital status.

I Was Fully Present for My Son

It’s easy to get lost in the stress of divorce, but our children need us to be present more than ever. I made an effort to create a stable and loving environment for my son. We created new routines, did new hobbies, and focused on the good in our lives. Protecting his peace helped me protect my own.

I Discovered Who I Was

The divorce, as painful as it was, gave me a chance to figure out who I was on my own. I had married young and had no chance to grow outside of a daughter, wife, and mother. I reconnected with old friends, made new friends, tried new things, and spent time getting to know myself. This period of self-discovery was invaluable and laid the foundation for the person I am today.

Actionable Advice for Surviving Divorce Delays

If you are stuck in a drawn-out divorce, please know that you are not alone, and this phase will not last forever. Here are some steps you can take to survive and thrive.

1. Acknowledge and Process Your Feelings

It is ok to feel angry, frustrated, and helpless. Don't suppress these emotions. Find a healthy outlet to process them. Talk to a therapist, journal your thoughts, join a support group, or confide in a trusted friend. Giving your feelings a voice robs them of their power over you.

2. Focus on What You Can Control

You can’t control your STBX’s behavior, legal tactics, or the court’s timeline. You can control your own actions, your attitude, and your choices. Make a list of things that are within your power: your health, your career, your friendships, your home environment. Pour your energy there.

3. Use This Time to Plan Your Future

This forced pause can be a gift if you see it that way. Use this time to think about what you want your post-divorce life to look like.

• Financial Goals: How can you improve your financial literacy and security?

• Career Goals: Is it time for a promotion, a new job, or a career change?

• Personal Goals: What have you always wanted to do but never had the time for? Learn a new skill, take up a hobby, or plan a future trip.

4. Lean on Your Support System

Now is not the time to go it alone. Surround yourself with people who support you. This could be friends, family, or a community like a divorce support group. Let people help you. Outside perspective can be invaluable in helping you move forward.

5. Prioritize Your Well-being

The stress of a prolonged divorce can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Make self-care a non-negotiable priority.

• Ensure you are getting enough sleep.

• Eat nutritious food that fuels your body.

• Move your body daily, even if it’s just a short walk.

• Practice mindfulness, meditation, or deep breathing..

Your New Beginning is Waiting

The end of your marriage is not the end of your story. While divorce delays are incredibly challenging, they are also temporary. By shifting your focus from the frustrating legal process to your own personal growth, you can emerge from this experience stronger, more resilient, and with a clear vision for your future.

You will get through this. Your new beginning is on the horizon, and you have the power to start building it today.

Take Care 💕,

Jessica King

What about you? For those who have been through it, how did you handle delays in your divorce process? Please share your stories and advice in the comments. Your experience could be exactly what someone else needs to read today. Looking for divorce support? Join my Divorce & Co-Parenting support group or visit the Divorce Resources page to find the resources and support you need.

*The information in this blog is not offered as legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Contact an attorney, therapist, or financial professional to seek legal, therapeutic or financial advice. The information provided is for educational and informational purposes.*