Navigating Custody with Confidence: Parenting Plan Provisions
Welcome to the latest issue of Divorce Talk. Navigating a divorce and co-parenting arrangement is a major adjustment for your entire family. You are not alone in this journey.
When creating a parenting plan, it helps to focus on what you can control: the details. A detailed agreement reduces future conflict and provides stability for your children. While most parents remember the basic custody schedules, many overlook the day-to-day decisions that can easily lead to disputes down the road.
Here is a guide to provisions you can include in your parenting agreement to protect your peace and resolve issues before they start.
Education and Healthcare
Joint Access: Specify that both parents have full access to all educational records, teacher portals, and healthcare providers.
Therapy Access: State that either parent can seek counseling or therapy for the child. Co-parents must notify each other, but neither can prevent the child from accessing mental health support.
Extracurricular Activities
Enrollment: Do both parents need to agree before signing a child up for an activity? Can one parent enroll the child if the activity only occurs during their own parenting time?
Costs: Clearly outline who pays for registration fees, uniforms, and equipment, and the percentage each co-parent will be responsible for.
Summer Expenses: Summer costs can add up quickly with sports, camp, and additional daycare. Your agreement should specify how these seasonal expenses will be shared: will costs be split equally, by percentage, or assigned to a specific parent? Be sure to address both fees for regular extracurriculars and additional child care required when school is not in session.
Technology and Cell Phones
Device Ownership: Determine who pays for the child's cell phone. Will the child have one phone that travels between homes, or separate devices for each house?
Discipline: If a child loses phone privileges at one home due to poor grades or behavior, does that consequence apply at the other home?
Driving and Vehicles
Licensing: Require both parents' consent before a child can obtain a learner's permit or driver's license.
Expenses: Detail who pays for the teen's auto insurance. If the parents are buying a car together, how is the cost split? If the child buys a car, whose name goes on the title?
Safety Guidelines: Create guidelines that if the child loses driving privileges at one home due to unsafe driving or rule-breaking, the restriction applies at both homes. Having this guideline and agreeing to use it can help create a united front. Remember, this is a guideline and may not be enforceable, since each co-parent can make day-to-day decisions in their home.
Travel and Passports
Passports: State clearly who physically keeps the child's passport, how costs for renewals are split, and how much notice is required to hand it over for a trip. Both parents must agree to cooperate with passport applications.
Vacation Notice: Require a specific written notice period for vacations. For example, demand 30 days' notice for trips during the school year, and require summer vacation dates to be submitted in writing by May 1st. Use an even/odd-year system to determine which vacation dates take priority when there is an overlap.
Holidays and Parenting Time Schedules
To minimize stress and control issues, make your schedule as specific as possible. Include exact days, times, and neutral exchange locations. Keep holiday exchanges to a minimum to reduce tension.
Thanksgiving: Consider alternating the entire Thanksgiving school break each year.
Winter Holidays: Instead of same-day exchanges that often lead to conflict, try splitting the break. One parent takes December 24th to 26th, and the other takes December 31st to January 2nd, with the rotation alternating each year. Missing the actual holiday is hard, but this creates deep stability and prevents you from stressing over a co-parent running late.
Communication
Between Parents: Define exactly how you will communicate. For high-conflict situations, ask the court to approve the use of a co-parenting app and require both parents to pay the annual fee.
Between Child and Parent: Set guidelines for how and when the co-parent can contact the child during other parent’s scheduled time. Will you provide a dedicated, text/calling device in the home for the child to use?
Other Provisions
Right of First Refusal (ROFR): If one parent needs childcare for a specific period (e.g., more than 8 hours or overnight), they must offer the parenting time to the other co-parent before calling a babysitter. Keep in mind, however, that ROFR is often intended for situations such as weekends or special plans and does not always apply during regular working hours. While ROFR can give you more time with your children, it can also mean you’ll need to contact your co-parent each time you require childcare, even for work, if not specified that work hours are excluded, minus overnight work trips. Be prepared to respond if they want that time. This clause can add complexity, such as clarifying whether family or friends can provide care, and can increase the frequency and necessity of communication with your co-parent, which may not always be easy in high-conflict situations. Be sure to carefully consider whether ROFR supports your family’s needs before including it.
Body Modifications: State that the child cannot get piercings or tattoos before age 18 without the written consent of both parents.
Introducing New Partners: Establish guidelines for when significant others are introduced to the children. Keep in mind this provision is a guide and can be difficult to enforce. This provision could cause future conflicts and may not be helpful, as it’s difficult to enforce.
Get Expert Guidance Today
Drafting a parenting plan that covers all the bases can feel overwhelming, but you do not have to figure it out on your own. Having a solid plan in place is the best way to navigate co-parenting with confidence and ensure your family thrives.
If you want support creating a comprehensive parenting plan tailored to your unique situation, I offer complimentary consultations. I can assist you in creating a proposed parenting plan for court or mediation, or I can work with co-parents to create a parenting plan through the mediation process. Use the link below to schedule a complimentary consultation. Let's work together to build a clear, effective path forward for you and your children.
When considering hiring a divorce professional, always ask for their qualifications and credentials.
Take care💕,
Jessica King
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*The information in this blog is not offered as legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Contact an attorney, therapist, or financial professional to seek legal, therapeutic or financial advice. The information provided is for educational and informational purposes.*
